


little things: marie

by AnotherAnonymousAuthor



Series: little things [1]
Category: Women's Hockey RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-22 01:31:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 70
Words: 16,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8267728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherAnonymousAuthor/pseuds/AnotherAnonymousAuthor
Summary: Marie isn't sure what she's expecting when she moves to Boston. Kacey Bellamy definitely isn't it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a long piece, that has taken up almost 25,000 words on my computer. It's time to finally start posting it. 
> 
> See end notes for translations.
> 
> Part fact (ie game stats and scores), part fiction (the rest of it).

Boston is only a six hour drive back to Beauceville, her mother reminds her, just over an hour and a half’s flight if she wants to come home at any time, as they prepare to say goodbye to her outside of her dorm – her new home for the first nine months of a four year stay.

Marie simply smiles and mutters, “mama, je etre vais bien,” and tries not to scratch at the anxious itch on the inside of her wrist and distracts herself as she hugs both of her parents. “Bye papa, bye mama.”

She’ll be home for thanksgiving anyway, and that’s barely six weeks away. It’s barely enough time to settle in, get a routine going with practice and study, but she should have some ice time under her belt by then so it should be okay.

“Je t’aime aussi.”

There’s a buzz around her – other students dragging suitcases and boxes, staring at maps and looking at the signs above the main doors to figure out which dorm they’re standing outside of while their parents adjust the bags over their shoulders – and she waves as they drive away.

Marie looks up at her building, she’s on the third floor so carrying her equipment is going to be a _pute_ most days of the week.

She sighs and gives into the itchiness, and hopes she has some of that moisturiser, and prepares for the fifty-four stair climb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation.
> 
> mama, je etre vais bien; mama, i'll be fine.  
> jee t'aime aussi; I love you too


	2. Chapter 2

Boston is a little like Montreal, similar enough with the red-brick buildings and the cobbled roads to remind her of home when she walks the city streets because she can’t sleep.

The first thing Marie does is find a hole-in-the-wall café off campus, somewhere that’s quiet and always near empty and has wi-fi and coffee acceptable enough to keep her sated, and she hides in the corner to write her papers.

She answers messages from Charlie, and emails Caro, who both want to know that she’s made friends and that she’s remembered to eat.

Marie has to remind herself to say ‘thank you’ and not ‘merci’ when her cup gets re-filled.


	3. Chapter 3

They have Wednesday nights off from training, and three mornings a week so she can have a little lie in. She has classes Monday through Thursday with a half day on Tuesdays.

Marie gets one day off a week from study and hockey, and explores on her own a little more when she convinces herself that she’s done enough study (it’s a month of studying before she allows herself a break).

Every Sunday night, when she’s used to being at family dinner, she calls her parents after a workout because the season hasn’t started yet, speaking quietly in French because her roommate is extremely patriotic and isn’t a fan of hockey but knows exactly who she is.

That, and she gets itchy when she tries to speak English, so she keeps to herself.

It’s just easier that way, and it keeps her anxiety down.


	4. Chapter 4

There’s a park on Anderson that she decides in mid-September that it’s _her_ place in Boston.

Somewhere to collect her thoughts, and be no one with no major responsibilities, and where the only thing she needs to carry is her phone and her ID.

Her thoughts run in French so she won’t forget things, and Marie just watches as people zoom past, paying her no attention.

After all the attention from the Olympics, Marie decides that she likes it that way.


	5. Chapter 5

October is busy.

Her Terriers (it’s still a bit weird, to call herself a Terrier and not a Blue, or even Team Canada, the familiarity of being number twenty nine gives her a little bit of safety) play North Dakota and lose by one, but the pressure on her shoulders lifts a little when she nets her first goal.

She smiles and hugs her teammates, skating past the bench for fist-bumps.

They play again and win, tying the series, and she gets a goal and an assist.

Thanksgiving is the next weekend. She emails her professor about skipping her Monday seminars because of a series against Wayne State that she refuses to miss, and gets back into Boston in time to make an afternoon class the next day.

Two more home games (and two more wins with a handful of points) means that she gets to watch a game on Sunday and she gets a reminder of the league she left behind for a degree and a collegiate hockey career.

She watches Boston win six to nothing, and then runs into Bellamy in the foyer, hair wet and pod over her shoulder.

Marie offers a short smile and walks around her, not wanting a confrontation; it’s eight months later and even though there’s surprise written all over her face, she knows that the underlying sting will make itself known, and the last thing she wants is a pissing contest in a public domain.

She doesn’t need to look over her shoulder to know that she’s being watched the whole way out the main doors.

Marie can see the reflection in the glass.


	6. Chapter 6

It gets easier in November to balance it all.

Study comes first unless she’s on the ice or in the locker room.

Marie is a little more confident around her liney’s, actually goes out for food with them and maybe once to go bowling, she talks a bit more but she’s still pretty reserved.

They give her some grief for it; shy, reserved, the quiet one.

Her wrist is still itchy, and there’s a nagging somewhere that she can’t pinpoint.


	7. Chapter 7

“Two games in a month, huh?” comes from her left.

It isn’t until the American thanksgiving weekend that she manages to make it back to the Bright-Landry Centre for another league game.

She has her glasses on and doesn’t thinks she’ll be recognised until she runs into Bellamy again.

“Me?” Marie asks, pointing at herself and checking over her shoulder just to make sure. “Sorry, are you asking me?” she questions, her accent very obvious and her expression very unsure.

Kacey actually laughs from the other side of the foyer. “Yeah, you,” she says with a grin. “This is the second game I’ve seen you at, apparently on your own.”

“It’s – uh, familiar,” Marie nods, still smiling nervously as she has to think of the words. She jams her hands in her pockets.

“Right,” Kacey says. They’re both freshman here in the city, new to the school and the league, and Marie stares, wondering if she’s as familiar with the uncertainty as Marie is. “Well, I’ll see you around.”

She nods awkwardly, and smiles, a silent goodbye with a two fingered wave. Marie turns on her heel and shuffles out the door, spying Bellamy’s reflection watching her again.


	8. Chapter 8

By the time Christmas break rolls around, she’s cemented herself on the team in the top line and her grades haven’t slipped below a B+ (philosophy isn’t her best subject, especially in English).

She makes it to one more home game for the Blades, and Marie wonders if it’s Kacey or if it’s Bellamy to her when she’s spotted mid-way up the bleachers during warm ups.

Kacey waves into the stands and Marie smiles as if they’ve been friends for years, not enemies in an international rivalry.

Marie lets her brother pick her and she makes a comment back here and there, and she answers questions over Christmas dinner about the American college system and how she’s fairing.

They expect nothing less than solid grades and to be the star; she already proved it on home soil and now it’s time to take the world by storm.

They want what’s best for her.

She just wants to play hockey.


	9. Chapter 9

Boston is cold when Marie gets back.

Cold enough that she’s wearing leggings under her jeans to walk to class, and a thick coat over a BU Hockey sweater. All you can see is her eyes between her beanie and a scarf.

She gets a head cold and spends two days in bed doing absolutely nothing.

The campus is buried under at least three inches of snow all month and there is no way she’s freezing her butt off to sit in her park on Anderson so she picks a coffee shop across the road until it starts to warm up.


	10. Chapter 10

Marie doesn’t seem to understand what all the fuss about college is.

As a freshman, according to her teammates and class mates, she should either be stressing over studying or drinking too much as to not care.

“Ce sont les quatre meilleures années de votre vie,” Charlie had told her. “Vous allez découvir qui vous êtes.”

Except she knows who she is.

She thinks.

She studies and gets good grades, and she trains hard and plays her heart out, and eats well to a degree (Boston has some great pizza) and socialises enough to keep people happy.

She’s still quiet and a bit of a loner; she did the drinking thing when they won gold almost a year ago, not to mention it’s kind of illegal this side of the border and she has no interest for frat parties.

Her wrist is still itchy and people have started stopping her on her way to classes to comment on a game or a highlight or maybe a final score.

She can’t help but feel a little unnerved; she’s definitely shy with the wider population and there is usually someone to distance her from it.

Now there isn’t.

Marie feels _uncomfortable_ and that’s putting it lightly.

Until she’s sitting on that bench in her park at four in the morning on her day off because she can’t sleep, and when it’s quiet like this she feels like it’s easier to deal with the pressure that sits on her shoulders – a student, an athlete, Canada Clutch – and she sees Bellamy run past, in a hoodie and it takes Marie a second to recognise her.

She’s not the only one having trouble sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation.
> 
> ce sont les quatre meilleures années de votre vie; these are the best four years of your life.  
> vous allez découvir qui vous êtes; you will discover who you are.


	11. Chapter 11

The tables turn in late January, when Marie runs onto the bench against New Hampshire for a line change and sees her sitting directly behind the home bench, their bench, in a U-N-H sweatshirt.

It’s the end of the first and she’s not getting another shift.

And she can’t help herself when she looks over her shoulder and realises that Bellamy is watching her and not the game; they’re tied one a piece.

Marie takes a hit and ends up on her arse, and she has a terrible second period.

It’s still an even score in the third and tempers are staring to flare because none of them are actually getting anywhere other than the box. She doesn’t look over her shoulder again until she scores with six minutes and seventeen seconds left.

Kacey has her arms crossed, and is shaking her head, smiling because this is what Canada’s golden girl does – she steps up when she has too – even in a college game and Kacey loses simply by association.

Marie is the last one off the ice and when she looks up, Bellamy’s seat behind the bench is empty.

She frowns in confusion and makes her way to the locker room.


	12. Chapter 12

“Are you stalking me?” comes from her left.

It sounds serious but when she spins around in the Bright-Landry Centre foyer but Kacey Bellamy is standing there with her pod and a smile on her face.

“It’s familiar,” Marie shrugs, with a smile.

“This is the third game,” Kacey says. She closes the foyer wide distance between the slowly.

“Looking at my future,” she goes quiet because of her accent.

Kacey must notice because she speaks up again. “It’s still early. Have you eaten?”

And that’s how Marie takes a chance and finds herself sitting at a kitchen table in an apartment in Prospect Hill, talking over water and not wine about how Marie is settling into school and a new team and a reasonably normal student athlete lifestyle, and how Kacey is working to pay rent and doing a little bit here and there for player development.

“I tried to hate you,” Kacey mutters.

Marie looks up from her half empty plate – the defender does a pretty mean steak. “I’m sorry?”

“After Vancouver,” she clarifies. “I tried to hate you. I wanted to. But I couldn’t.”

They sit in silence for a moment. “Why not?”

“Why pit ourselves against each other? Our rivalry is big enough,” Kacey shrugs. “As much as it pains the patriotic side of me to say this,” she laughs, clutching her heart playfully, “the better team won, and the better team that day was Canada. In the end it’s just a game.”

“Why are you, uh, being so, uh, agréable to me?”

“Agreeable?” Kacey questions.

“Sorry, I forget words sometimes,” she apologises. “Uh, nice.”

Kacey lifts her shoulders only to drop them and keeps cutting into her steak. “It’s a little lonely out here. You’ve been alone at the games I’ve seen you at. I thought you might like a friend too.”

Marie nods, “Okay,” and that’s how she leaves with Kacey Bellamy’s phone number.


	13. Chapter 13

She doesn’t use it right away.

When Marie’s alarm goes off in the mornings, and her roommate (who is usually hung over) groans because dammit she got stuck with an athlete who trains before classes, Marie can’t help but scroll through her contact list just to double check that it’s there.

It is.

And she’s actually friends with Bellamy.

Marie supposes that she should call her Kacey, and only feels a little guilty when she actually has to google her.

Then she decides that maybe she should offer coffee as a thank you for dinner, and finally makes the first step in their _friendship_ the following Thursday.


	14. Chapter 14

“You don’t talk much, do you?” Kacey asks.

This is generally how their conversations have gone the last two times they’ve met for coffee. Marie had initiated it both times, reaching out and making an effort. Wasn’t that enough?

Then again, she was protective of her café across from her park on Anderson, the one she hides in when it’s too cold for her to sit outside and people watch and get lost in her own thoughts and wonder if she’s doing _enough_.

And then there’s hole in the wall fourteen blocks in the other direction from campus, that she studied in that was getting a little too loud for her to be as productive as she has been, that she hadn’t told anyone about either.

They’re in a café of Kacey’s choosing, halfway between campus and Kacey’s apartment, and Marie shrugs silently over her coffee.

Kacey laughs and it’s infectious, and Marie lets herself chuckle; she’s definitely holding herself back around this particular American and she has to nudge her glasses up her nose for the fourth time.

“It takes me a while to open up,” she smiles to soft eyes, feeling awkward. Marie speaks slow, checking her words before she lets them out, “I get uh, nervous, talking in English. I’m very shy, not a lot of, umm, confidence with my ability.”

“I noticed,” says Kacey and Marie blushes. “But for what it’s worth, your English is pretty good.”

“Thank you.” She blushes again, and admits quietly, “The uniform, it’s a safe space?”

Kacey nods, understanding the error.

Marie is grateful.


	15. Chapter 15

They meet again a few days later, maybe to prove that they can be friends, that two players – people – from opposite sides of the border and opposing teams can be friends.

When Kacey finds her standing on the corner of a small market in the downtown city centre, she hands her a hot chocolate and greets her with, “Here you go, Pockets.”

“Pardon?” she questions, looking curiously at her, “merci.”

“I’ve been told I have a thing about nicknames,” Kacey explains. “Canada is too obvious, obviously and it encourages a separation. Every time I see you, you have your hands jammed in your pockets. Therefore you are pockets.”

Marie laughs and blushes, thinking about whether or not she does always have her hands jammed in her pockets.

And then wonders aloud if she wants to know what else Kacey has come up with alternative names for; her car is Betty, Meghan is Sal, her brothers are Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee, hell, she has even named her hockey sticks.


	16. Chapter 16

Kacey shows her around Boston on Friday’s.

She shows her the city, and the farmers markets, and her favourite place to get coffee, and even takes her to a baseball game.

Marie actually enjoys herself and she forgets about the itchiness on her wrist, and instead turns her brand new Red Sox cap backwards in the fourth innings.


	17. Chapter 17

“Que était un jeu fantastique!” her father praises.

She’s still in her gear halfway to the locker room, and her coach is motioning for her to talk to the press and her parents have made a surprise visit; apparently scoring a hat trick in the last regular season game to take a record is noticeable.

“Merci, papa,” Marie mutters over the hum of the crowd. He kisses her cheek and she blushes in front of her team mates, who are still hitting her on the shoulder on their way past her.

She can feel sweat sliding under her pads, and she’s being pulled in three different directions.

For a moment, she’s unsure, a little anxious, which is something she can’t ever remember feeling. At least, not _after_ a game. “Papa, I have to go,” she says, pointing. “They are waiting for me.”

He looks a little dejected to Marie and she tries to catch her breath still.

“I have a responsibility, I will find you after,” she smiles, trying to please them as her coach calls for her again. “And I need a shower.”

Marie quickens her pace to chase her coach, and still can’t catch her breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation
> 
> Que était un jeu fantastique; that was a fantastic game!


	18. Chapter 18

“How did you do it?” Marie asks.

Kacey has offered the peace of her apartment to study because there have been dorm parties all week preluding spring break and Marie has mid semester exams (and there may have been the suggestion of a home cooked meal for dinner).

“Do what?” Kacey asks, looking up from her chopping board, where she had been attempting to slice carrots quietly.

It’s become easier to be around her, reaching out and letting someone see her as her and not the golden girl or the nerd or the quiet one. Just Marie.

But she still pauses.

“Manage it all,” she clarifies, “playing in college, studying, people recognising you and being known.”

Kacey chuckles, “lots of lists,” she pauses, “and a lot of running.” But the look on Marie’s puts a stop to her own entertainment, and her chopping. “Pockets, are you okay?”

She pauses again. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing what makes me happy or if I’m doing what makes others happy. I just—I just want to play hockey.”

There’s a heaviness on her shoulders, and she drops her pen because she’s kind of sick of studying and she still has three years left. Hell, she still has to pass her freshman year.

“I was never as known as you are,” Kacey admits, leaning forward on her elbows against the counter. “Whether you mean to or not, you stand out. You’re an amazing player, you’re breaking records left, right and centre, you’re a model student, you’re cute; you stand out to people. That’s what happens when you’re as good as you are.”

“But,” Marie doesn’t even know why she’s arguing. Or what.

“You have to remember that you’ve already been doing this for years. You get your homework done, you go to practice, you play your heart out. That’s all you have to do.”

It doesn’t really help.

“You know what you’re doing. Marie, you don’t need me to tell you that.”

It still doesn’t really help.

But she nods anyways, and chooses chicken when Kacey asks, and doesn’t open her books again when they’re shut on her pen, and she smiles and chirps all night over dinner as they trade in stress for a hockey game, and cringes when Kacey drops her feet in Marie’s lap because Montreal lost.

“Come on, time for bed.” And the next thing Marie knows is that it’s dark outside, and she’s being woken up after she fell asleep on the couch because she was too comfortable not too.

She’s dragged down the hallway, and lets herself be steered into Kacey’s bed with minimal argument because, “the couch is fine but if you insist, I guess I can.”

Marie doesn’t remember much after that and she’s surprised that she sleeps the whole night.


	19. Chapter 19

Marie doesn’t actually get to see much of Kacey during spring break.

Instead, she actually sees the inside of her dorm for more than just sleeping, and spends her time feeling a bit dumped.

Kacey calls her early in the morning mid-week; she and Meghan are heading to the beach for the day and Kacey wants to know if she wants to come. Hanging out with Kacey is easy, but the idea of hanging out with Duggan too makes her feel a little queasy, so she cites a stomach ache and some more study.

Kacey seems to buy it because she asks if she needs anything and when Marie days that she should be alright, Kacey tells her to feel better soon, maybe they can have coffee soon.

To be honest, Duggan scares her a little. Especially off the ice and it unsettles her, being unsure of the reception she would receive from the Captain America, so it’s safer to just stay in her dorm – Kacey is the exception, the one that doesn’t scare her, the one American that she can get away with speaking French around sometimes.

If she thinks about (and she probably shouldn’t), Kacey gives her an oddly gratifying sense of safety.

Marie definitely doesn’t think about that morning when she woke up in Kacey’s bed and her arms.


	20. Chapter 20

The feeling of her skates breaking through the fresh sheet of ice is Marie’s favourite in the whole world.

No one else has touched the ice so it gives her the freest sensation in the world; there’s no one to please and no goals to score and no records to break and no pressure.

Just her and some ice and her thoughts.

She spends the rest of her break alone in Walter Brown Arena.


	21. Chapter 21

“How’s your stomach?” Kacey asks.

It’s the first day back after break, and Marie’s been to class but practice has been cancelled so when she complained to Kacey about it, the defender suggested a run through the streets and dinner afterwards.

“What? Oh, yeah, it’s okay,” she huffs, “think I just ate something bad.”

“Well, at least it wasn’t too bad. The beach was fun, I wish you could’ve been there.”

Marie smiles. “Next time.”


	22. Chapter 22

After the season they’ve had, it’s a little hard to take the arse kicking they get in the semi-finals.

They’ve worked so hard for it.

Marie has worked so hard and it didn’t happen; Jenn scores twice, so close to a third and the rest of them just can’t seem to make anything work.

Kacey is in the stands watching, cheering her on (but she flat out refuses to wear anything to represent Boston University) and thankfully her parents aren’t there because she feels like she’s under enough pressure as it is.

After the game, after the obligatory speeches and the hot showers and they’re finally allowed to go their own way, Kacey is waiting with a smile and a gentle hug.

Marie can’t remember a hug being as soft as this one; she melts into Kacey, a hand on the back of her neck and her lower back and for a moment she’s desperately clinging.

“You played really well,” Kacey whispers over the crowd mulling out into the parking lot. “For what it’s worth.”

A few tears slip through; between losing and feeling under pressure from everyone but mostly herself, Marie can feel her resolve crack. But she doesn’t break entirely.

“Would you mind if I crashed at your place tonight?” Marie asks quietly.

The ice is safety but so is Kacey, and tonight she doesn’t want to be near the ice.

So she’s grateful when Kacey just nods and steers her towards her car, rambling about how she’s been practising the French Marie has been trying to teach her and if Marie needs a distraction, maybe they could go over some more?


	23. Chapter 23

It’s an eight and a half hour bus ride to the finals.

They’re all tired and grumpy when they get there from being crammed on a bus for a whole day, but Marie didn’t sleep at all. Headphones in as she worked on homework or watched game footage back.

She keeps her head down in the lobby while they wait for Coach to check them in, because there are a lot of Badgers on the other side and a certain Boston native seems to notice her. But she looks up when she hears an exchange; of course Kacey wouldn’t miss a Frozen Four series that her best friend was in.

She smiles big in Marie’s direction when she notices.

In the background, Marie notices the look that Knight and Duggan are giving each other and Kacey behind her.

Marie smiles back nervously and keeps her head down.


	24. Chapter 24

It’s not out of malice or hatred, Marie knows that, the looks that she’s getting from her opponents on the ice.

But when she looks up at the score that reads four to one in Wisconsin’s favour, she can’t help biting the inside of her cheek; Marie is glad for the helmet because it gives her the feeling of having something to hide behind, even if people can see through it.

The Badgers have crashed the net and dog piled Vetter; they’ve got their hats on as they shake hands; Marie is near the end of the line and watches the line in front of herself; she’s the only one that Duggan slaps on the shoulder as well as shaking hands.

She watches as her captains accept the second place trophy sombrely, and then the eruption hits her hard like it did in Vancouver but it hits her harder when she realises that it’s not for her.

In the crowd her parents are watching, she can see them from where her Terriers have migrated from Boston, halfway up the bottom tier and covered in red.

Kacey is on the opposite side clapping for her friends and clapping for Marie; she refused to pick a side when she realised who would be in the final.

At least when they head back in the morning, heads down sombrely over breakfast, some of the pressure is gone.

It’s a curse, Marie thinks; one less thing to focus on, one less way that she has to please people, but at the cost of feeling like a disappointment.


	25. Chapter 25

She’s been getting phone calls and texts and tweets and Facebook messages all morning.

Eventually Marie’s roommate left because she was sick of all of the notifications on Marie’s phone.

By mid-morning though, it starts to taper off; the desire to get in early wears off and she’s left in relative peace.

That is until there’s a knock at her dorm room door (secretly she’s glad the season is over because it means no birthday practice and reduces the likelihood of birthday pranks) that leaves her nervous until she opens it.

Kacey is standing there with a gentle smile. “Happy Birthday, Marie,” she pulls out a cupcake from behind her back, a single candle lit ready for her to blow out.

Marie can’t help the blush that creeps up her neck and into her cheeks when a few stray students in the halls loiter past; she notices the use of her name and not Kacey’s given nickname for her.

“Merci beaucoup,” she mutters, blowing it out.

“Coconut and Vanilla, because the triple chocolate is way, way too rich and I don’t want you to develop diabetes or have a coronary. I kind of like having you around.”

“My favourite,” Marie dips a finger in the icing and almost moans.

Kacey smiles, “I remember.”


	26. Chapter 26

Anyone who knows Marie, knows that she is ridiculously clumsy, both on the ice and off.

Usually at least once a week, she manages to trip over herself and drop something, or miss a step on the way up to her dorm or somehow burns herself, stabs herself or stubs her toe.

A walking disaster is what Charlie calls her.

Kacey calls her that too, when they’re out for an after class run now that the weather is fining up. One minute they’re side by side, and the next Kacey is running back towards her because she’s on her back on the grass holding her ankle.

“What did you do?” Kacey asks.

She’s standing over Marie, hand on the knee that’s raised so Marie can hold her ankle.

“Roulé,” Marie groans. It’s a good thing it’s the off season.

“English babe, I haven’t learnt that word yet.”

It comes out of Kacey’s mouth so quickly and so casually that neither of them take any notice, (but Marie does and she keeps it to herself, stored in the back of her mind).

“Can you walk?”

Kacey helps her up and she tests her weight; she can walk enough that she knows it’s going to be a bitch of a ride home. “Just.”

“Come on, my place is closer,” Marie’s arm rounds Kacey’s shoulder and they start shuffling out of the park. “I’ve got an ice pack with your name on it, maybe even a compression bandage and some protein shakes.”

Marie drops her head, a little bit in frustration and a little bit in acceptance that this was her situation.

“You are so accident prone!” Kacey mutters and it’s enough to make Marie laugh. “What am I going to do with you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation
> 
> Roulé; rolled.


	27. Chapter 27

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAL!”

There’s a loud bang and Marie jerks up from where she’s been sleeping in Kacey’s bed, the hand on her ribs from the body behind her jumping away at the noise.

They had had a movie marathon the night at Kacey’s insistence after Marie had admitted to never seeing any of the Star Wars movies, and by one am, as enthralled as Marie was with the science fiction universe unfolding before her eyes, she was also falling asleep.

Kacey wouldn’t wish her couch on anyone to sleep on, so she had dragged Marie down the hall to her room.

Honestly, they were practically spooning and in her sleep induced haze, Marie wonders how they would have woken up had Meghan not walked in.

“Something I need to know?” Meghan asks, smirking at Kacey.

Marie blushes and forces herself awake. This was the most awkward position she’d ever been in--hang on. “It’s your birthday?”

“Arsehole,” Kacey mutters before stretching from the side of the bed. “Ripe old age of twenty four.”

“Don’t call me an arsehole, I bought you birthday donuts,” Marie tries to shrink out of sight to not attract any more attention, “Hey Canada, you want one? They’re not poisoned I promise.”

“Only because she didn’t cook them. Pockets, it’s my birthday, I demand you have one,” Kacey mutters as she crawls over the bed to get to the box Meghan is shaking. “Oh! You got my favourite!”

“Thank you,” Marie mutters to Meghan, going for the plainest one she can find, and melting on the inside at Kacey’s nickname.

“Hey, if you’re free tonight, you should be here to watch Kacey cook her own birthday dinner,” Meghan laughs around a mouthful of donuts.

“Yeah, and I know you don’t have training so you should come,” Kacey says, reaching for her sweatshirt on the end of the bed.

“You mean, I have to eat your cooking two nights in a row?”

Meghan actually laughs.

Kacey does her best to be offended, but can see how proud of herself Marie is for managing to make Meghan laugh; a few weeks before, after the championship game, Marie had explained that some (quite a lot) people make her nervous, and that her shyness doesn’t help when she’s put in the position of having to make new friends, and that Meghan Duggan was definitely one of those people.

“Don’t worry, Meghan’s actually the one that’s cooking,” Kacey says defiantly.

“Didn’t you suggest that her cooking is poisonous?” Marie questions. “I’m genuinely concerned about the culinary skills of you American athletes. Maybe I should cook. I mean, you always cook and it is your birthday. And I didn’t get you a present.”

“Alright, Pockets. Just please don’t kill us.”

“Why ‘Pockets’? Meghan asks, as she follows Kacey down the hall to brush her teeth, poking her in the ribs and hassling her the whole way.

“Since when do you question my nicknames?”

Marie can’t hear much after that, because of the muffling groaning of the bathroom pipes and toothpaste, and what the hell is she going to cook for dinner?


	28. Chapter 28

She feels a little nauseous after the donut but only because she doesn’t usually eat them for breakfast.

And after finally pulling herself from the comforts of Kacey’s bed, and pulling on her sweat pants, Marie goes about opening all of the cupboard doors in Kacey’s kitchen to see what she has to work with.

“You know it’s barely eight am right?” Kacey asks as she grabs all three of them a coffee before she whines at Meghan. “Why did you wake us up!?”

Meghan just smirks. “Worth it,” she mutters over her coffee cup.

“If I don’t know what you have, how can I figure out what I can cook?” she asks, and she can see Meghan tickling the outer edge of Kacey’s ear just to shit her.

Good, because it means she’s not getting any attention.

Meghan is laughing and muttering about Kacey cooking like a cave man, open flame on the stove.

“Hey, hey, hey! Cave woman,” Kacey corrects.


	29. Chapter 29

“Thank you for cooking. You know you didn’t have to,” Kacey mutters, as she checks on Marie’s progress and her alcohol level in the fridge.

“It’s the least I can do. You cook every time,” Marie smiles. “And I wanted to.”

She gets shouldered playfully as she works her way through a couple of carrots; Kacey is going to have left overs to last a solid few weeks.

“I like cooking,” Kacey shrugs. “This smells amazing.”

“Winging it.”

“Your English is getting really good,” there’s an exchange of smiles, and Marie blushes behind her glasses.

Marie smiles playfully, “eh, your French is okay?”

“It’s trickier than I thought,” Kacey laughs, “You’ve been hanging around with Meghan too much. Now you’re ganging up on me,” and then grabs two beers because Marie won’t drink it this side of the border and orders Meghan to set the table if she wants her Sam Adams because Marie has been slaving over a stove all day.

“It’s barely been one day,” Marie calls out after her.

“I know!” Kacey exclaims, with a grin and walking backwards out of the kitchen. “It’s terrible.”

She never breaks eye contact with Marie.

Marie’s stomach does something funny, but she puts it down to hunger.


	30. Chapter 30

Marie spends the next few days replaying Kacey’s birthday in her mind.

Naturally, she had been rather quiet through dinner, calmly watching the interaction between the two American’s as they bantered back and forth all night; Marie hadn’t missed some of the looks Dugg— _Meghan_ had been throwing at Kacey, the smirks and the occasional comment under her breath.

It made her wonder what kind of conversations the two of them had had, of what Kacey might have said about whatever it was that they were doing, of what Kacey’s thoughts about her were.

They were friends, are friends, Marie decides.

And that, she decides, is all she needs to know before she gets back to her homework.


	31. Chapter 31

May flies by in a flurry of studying and final papers and exams, and Marie doesn’t think she’s ever actually been this tired.

And she’s managed a full hockey season and full-time studying.

It makes her more prone to accidents, and she’s managed to bruise her shin bone and fall out of bed when her alarm jumps off of her desk on Wednesday morning.

Marie tries to fit in more time with Kacey, only because she’s doesn’t want to give up on their friendship, because she’s unsure that if they stop seeing each other, stop talking, that when she comes back to Boston in August that it won’t exist anymore.

That she won’t have a friend or a safe place away from hockey.

It scares her a little.

“We’re still going to be friends when I come back in August right?” she asks, quiet and closed in on herself.

Kacey almost looks hurt. “Yeah. We’re not going to stop being friends just because you’re going back over the border. I mean, I plan on being shown around Montreal this summer, and as much as I love Chuey, I don’t think she knows it like you do.”

Marie laughs from where she’s splayed out on Kacey’s couch. “You’re going to come and visit?”

Kacey scoffs, and shoves her playfully. “Yeah, I have to practice French in context.”

“Alright,” she agrees, and it stays light hearted until she leaves.


	32. Chapter 32

It’s her mother that greets her at the airport, arms open, and waiting for her and her four bags, and it makes Marie smile.

The familiarity is settling and within an instant, she is being fussed over, right in the middle of the arrivals terminal.

“Mama, je vais bien.”

Marie realises on the drive home that she’s in a conundrum; she misses home when she’s in Boston, but there is something about Boston that wants to drag her back when she’s home.

“The Golden Girl has returned!” Her brother rubs it in when they get home and she’s reminded of the pressure.

She hadn’t even noticed that it had stopped but her wrist is suddenly itchy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation.
> 
> mama, je vais bien; mama, i'm fine.


	33. Chapter 33

Sunday dinners become a regular thing once again and she watches silently like she does in Boston, at the interactions between the people around her.

She plays the piano when her grandparents request it.

She does the dishes because it’s her turn.

She goes to the gym and gets on the ice when she can.

She sees the people she misses during the school year, goes camping and swimming at the lake.

But.

But in the back of her mind, Marie is counting down.


	34. Chapter 34

There’s a week long training camp in mid-June for the senior team; Canada’s golden girl has returned and she’s rewarded with an intense refresher for Hockey Canada.

Charlie picks her brains and she smiles the whole way through it (they’re rooming together and Marie is kind of grateful because she’s always looked up to Charlie. Kind of grateful. Charlie is the big sister she never had and at sometimes didn’t want).

“Sooooo,” she starts with a smirk. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“Am I supposed to be?” Marie asks. “Tu parles comme ma mère.”

Charlie laughs and grins at her, like she’s missing the point entirely. “You’re a freshman in college. You’re supposed to be experiencing life, Marie!”

“I already passed so technically I’m a sophomore.”

“How do you know already?”

Marie looks concerned, didn’t everyone study like she did? “Except for one unit, I got ‘A’s’ all year.”

“You nerd. Are you seeing anyone?”

This is going to go around in circles until Charlie gets the answer she wants, she can see it now.

“I go to class, I get good grades, I go to training, I play hockey,” Marie says. “What else is there?”

Charlie laughs like she has all the answers, like she knows the meaning of life.

“Explore the world around you, learn about who you are, go to parties, do stupid shit with your friends, find love!”

Marie sighs, and nods along, purely to appease Charlie.

(And attempts to refuse acknowledgement of the direction her thoughts go when Charlie talks about love.

She fails and lets her mind drift to Boston).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation.
> 
> tu parles comme ma mère; you sound like my mother.


	35. Chapter 35

She cops a lot of crap when Wardo admits over dinner that Marie spends quite a bit of time with Kacey Bellamy.

Charlie doesn’t shut up for the rest of camp, and while Marie is usually pretty reserved, she actually contemplates killing her captain for divulging that.

And how the hell did she know what Marie did with her spare time?

And then she silently wonders why it annoys her so much.

Her wrist is itchy again.


	36. Chapter 36

“Oomph!”

Kacey and Meghan are more alike that Marie first realised.

She’s almost spear tackled into the grass of Parc la Fontaine, on the corner of where she agreed to meet Kacey on the last day of June, pinning her arms to her side.

“Hi there!” Kacey grins over Marie’s shoulder.

Marie grins back and shuffles around the best she can to hug Kacey hello. It feels like coming home, more than hugging her mother did, and it definitely lasts longer.

“Hi,” Marie replies. “Welcome to Montreal!”

The sun is warm on her skin and Kacey’s smile warms her insides.


	37. Chapter 37

Marie spends the afternoon showing Kacey around the city, sunglasses slipping down her nose every time she laughs, pointing out places of interest and things that remind her of Boston, things that she loves about the city, the atmosphere and the personality.

She spends the afternoon showing off her city, her home, and she notices Kacey staring.

“What?”

“You’re glowing,” Kacey says, as they wander through a market.

Marie drops her head to hide the blush. “I am proud of my city.”

Kacey nods quietly with a smile, her eyes skating over Marie’s face.

She blushes again and they continue on.


	38. Chapter 38

Marie drags her to a barbeque the next day.

It’s a family tradition, and she knows that there are a few eyebrows raised at the sight of an American in their midst, but also that Marie had brought someone with her.

They’re polite enough to speak English around Kacey, especially considering she was a last minute addition to their party and Marie watches as she effortlessly weaves her way through all of the red and white, and the maple leafs, and the flags.

If Marie didn’t know any better, she would think that Kacey had been there for as long as she could remember, with the way she charms everybody.

She also sees her brother glancing across the party and follow her like a puppy to talk to her.

“What are you doing?” Kacey asks one hour and a beer each into the festivities.

“You’re on my side of the border now,” Marie says with a smirk. She’s holding Kacey’s chin, holding a wet cloth to her cheek, “very nice.”

“I’m going to get you back for this in three days,” Kacey says, checking out the maple leaf tattoo on her face, “and I’m going to do it on your home soil too.”

Marie scoffs and has another sip of her beer.


	39. Chapter 39

Eventually cousins and aunts and uncles and her grandparents taper off, and under three beers she gets cornered in the kitchen by her brother.

“What’s the deal with Kacey?”

“Don’t go there,” Marie warns. “Please.”

“What?” he asks, hands raised. “She’s cute.”

She fixes him with a glare and feels like she should have known. He winks at her and walks out of the kitchen in search of the American.

She loves her brother. Most of the time.


	40. Chapter 40

“There you are,” comes from behind her.

Marie has been sitting by the fire pit near the pool, stretched out on a two seater, watching the flames dance over each other as she finishes another beer. It’s dark and cold enough that she needs a hoodie, and she can see that Kacey was thinking the same thing when she nudges Marie’s feet to sit down.

“It’s weird seeing you drink.”

Marie drops her feet into Kacey’s lap, and admits, “It feels weird being able to drink it after so long.”

She feels a little bitter, and it’s not the alcohol.

“Your brother just asked me out.”

Marie pauses halfway to taking one of the final sips; she thinks she does pretty well to hide the tightening in her chest, the one that doesn’t make a lot of sense to her and leaves her frowning.

“And what did you say?”

Kacey reaches over and pops Marie’s bottle from her hand, polishing off the final dregs. “I told him he’s not my type.”

Marie actually lets out a chuckle (of relief), “I don’t think he hears that often enough. And when he asked why?”

“Well, his sister is a lot cuter, and you see, he has a penis,” Kacey laughs in a way that’s contagious and Marie almost has tears in her eyes from laughing so hard, “It’s not really my thing.”

They laugh so hard Marie’s stomach hurts, and when they stop, she _sees_ the way Kacey is looking at her.


	41. Chapter 41

Marie ends up wearing Kacey’s jersey three days later, as payback for the flag tattoo.

She wonders what it looks like, another name across her shoulders.

Marie fleetingly wonders what it looks like to wear another country’s jersey.

She skips over the thoughts, the wonder about being a Bellamy, and shakes her head.


	42. Chapter 42

They text most days, messages sent and received at odd hours because of training schedules, and it’s Kacey’s turn for camp.

And then Marie’s back with the team.

It’s also time to start preparing for a new season and an exhibition match in July.

Marie gets a text message a few hours before the game.

_‘We’ll still be friends after we kick your arse.’_

Marie laughs out loud, loud enough for Charlie to throw a roll of tape at her from the trainer’s table; she still hasn’t let the Bellamy thing go.

It ends in a tie, two a-piece and only one brawl that put Marie on her arse when a Lamoureux twin blasts past to join the mayhem.

Kacey shakes her head but still smiles in the handshake line, slapping Marie on shoulder.


	43. Chapter 43

The draft is at the end of the month and Marie pays close attention.

As she was expecting, Meghan Duggan to Boston.

She’s pretty sure the two of them is about to become the three of them.


	44. Chapter 44

There’s anxiety sitting in Marie’s chest; she’s just said goodbye to her parents and she’s making the drive back to Boston by herself.

She’s ready for another season. She can totally manage studying and playing and training and a two week break to go to Sweden. Right?

Marie won’t be back for Thanksgiving this year, and she’s going to see her family a little less.

Five hours of open road, loud music, a border crossing, and the inevitable pit stop, lay between Marie and Boston and that’s more than enough time to get her thoughts in order.

Right?


	45. Chapter 45

The first thing she does when she gets back to is find her hall and drag all of her stuff to the second floor; Marie got lucky this semester and managed to score a single dorm.

The second thing Marie does it avoid the inevitable unpacking, buys a pizza and knocks on Kacey’s door.

“I can’t be bothered cooking on my first night back,” she says.

Despite the warm hug and the look of gratitude she receives, Marie would like to think that she knows Kacey a little better than some.

She’s quiet, too quiet to be Kacey, and after an hour Marie is a little worried.

“Are you okay? I can leave,” Marie offers, already standing and ready to clear the pizza box away.

“Stay,” Kacey grabs her wrist. “Sorry, I’ve been a little out of it.”

“What’s up?” is barely out of her mouth when a few tears slip. “Kacey, what’s wrong?”

There’s a familiar tension in Kacey’s jaw that Marie recognises as she studies the face before her. “Meghan is out indefinitely with a concussion. It’s bad.”

When Kacey tips forward and cries in Marie’s lap is when she gets it, when she gets how much Meghan means to her, how deeply Kacey cares for those around her. So Marie just sits there almost at a loss, a defender crying in her lap.

Marie’s chin trembles against her will and she tightens her grip across Kacey’s shoulders.

It takes another hour before Kacey stops crying.

“Come on, it’s late, let’s go to bed.”


	46. Chapter 46

Marie wakes up the next morning, sprawled on her back and an arm around the warm body pressed into her side.

She wants to fall back asleep (when a nose nudges her chin and an arm tightens over her ribs).

“Morning,” Kacey mumbles and Marie feels so comfortable, so safe, so strong that she could take on the world without a worry.

“Morning,” she rasps, but realises that it won’t happen because Kacey has just shuffled and kissed her hello.

And it terrifies her.

Even though the wide eyes and the back tracking and the apologies, it doesn’t stop her from smiling and lying through her teeth that it’s okay, it was an accident, and grabbing her clothes because she has to unpack all of her stuff and get ready for classes but she hopes that Meghan will be okay and she runs.

Literally.

Out the door without looking back.


	47. Chapter 47

Sophomore year starts in a similar fashion to the way that her freshman year started; anxious, itchy and isolated.

It’s been a week since she’s seen Kacey and even Marie knows that she’s really pushing her luck with the ‘it was an accident, it’s fine’ trope, with messages spouting excuses about studying and training.

She admits to herself that it’s not Kacey kissing her that’s the issue—it’s more how she felt when it happened, how she felt afterwards because until that moment she hadn’t realised that she liked Kacey, that she _like liked_ her.

God, she sounds so school girl when she says it like that.

Marie usually manages pretty well by herself, is pretty sure of herself and where and how she fits in to the picture. But this kind of scares her; she’s not gay, she can’t be, it doesn’t fit into the image that’s been created to see her as the golden girl.

She definitely does not have a panic attack on Thursday night that definitely does not have her twisting her stick hard in her hands to give herself something to focus on and distract her from the erratic ins and outs of her chest.

Sleeping becomes a little harder, and her wrist is itchy as hell.

So she does the only thing she can think of.

Marie calls Charlie.


	48. Chapter 48

It takes her almost an hour to get around to the point, when she finally calls.

She appeases Charlie, to a degree; no, she hasn’t been to any parties, no, she hasn’t been on a date, no, she just goes to class and training and that’s about it.

“By the way, how did you know you were gay?”

Marie swears that it just slips—that her brain turned itself off and it just slips out.

“Marie, what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” she stutters, tripping over her words more than usual and she knows she’s given herself away, “nothing, I’m just curious.”

“Is this one of those ‘I have a friend’ situations?” She doesn’t answer for a long silence. “Marie?”

“Maybe.”

Even though Charlie is all the way in Montreal, Marie still crosses her arms defensively, like she doesn’t want to talk about it even though she’s the one that dialled.

“I don’t know what to do, Charlie.”

“That’s okay.”

Somehow it doesn’t feel okay but when she sleeps on it, Charlie’s words are a little clearer.

It makes a little more sense in a weird kind of way.


	49. Chapter 49

“Je suis désolé pour vous éviter.”

Marie is holding a double shot hazelnut latte out in front of her on Saturday morning, timing it well to run into Kacey as she leaves the gym after her morning workout.

“You’re sorry for something?”

Kacey is looking at her in confusion, and she doesn’t reach out for the coffee.

“For avoiding you,” she says sheepishly. “I’m sorry. Peace offering?”

She’s stared down, and Marie feels like she’s on the ice, like they’re on opposite sides again, so she drops her gaze, but keeps her arm outstretched.

“Why?” Marie shakes the Starbuck’s cup in her hand and eventually Kacey breaks her stoic expression to reach for the coffee. “Thank you.”

“I freaked out,” Marie forces out. “It took me by surprise and I freaked out and je suis désolé. I wasn’t expecting it, is all.”

“You know I’ve kissed Meghan three times after sharing a bed with her,” Marie gawks and almost laughs. “We both like to spoon, and we woke up, and I kissed her. Three times!”

“Seriously? And it didn’t mean anything?”

“Nope. It was an accident and we laughed about it and moved on. It doesn’t have to mean anything, Pockets.”

When Kacey calls her that, the pressure in her chest and her back, the pressure that she’d worked herself up over eases, even just in the slightest. Sure, it doesn’t mean anything. Wait, it didn’t mean anything at all?

Marie just nods. “Right.” Another thing for her to think about.

“Are we okay?” Kacey asks. “Cause you’re doing that thing where you don’t talk a lot it, it’s like we’ve gone back in time.”

Marie laughs. “Yes, we’re okay.”

“For what it’s worth, I am sorry that I kissed you. That it freaked you out that much.”

“I’m sorry I freaked out.”

“Are you going to freak out if I give you a hug?” Kacey sits her now lukewarm coffee on the top of her car and drops her gym bag.

“Don’t even,” Marie takes a step back, grinning and it’s like nothing changed. “You’re all sweaty!”

“But I really, really need a hug! It’s been a week!”

Marie takes off across the parking lot dodging as best she can and she wishes that she had tied her sneakers up when she went looking for Kacey.

It only takes her a few minutes to be cornered and they’re laughing, regardless of the looks they’re getting by the other gym members coming and going.

Marie melts into the hug, her face buried into Kacey’s shoulder, gripping the damp t-shirt across her back, heart beating in her chest and she’s happy.

There’s a tingle in her wrist but she ignores it. It’s only a tingle and she’s conflicted.

Their kiss may not have meant anything to Kacey, but it meant something to Marie.

But she just doesn’t know what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation.
> 
> Je suis désolé pour vous éviter; i'm sorry for avoiding you.  
> je suis désolé; i'm sorry.


	50. Chapter 50

Classes start again.

Practice starts again, and they aim for an exhibition match in September.

Wednesday’s are her days off from classes, and Thursday mornings. Early morning practice Monday, Wednesday and Fridays, afternoon sessions Tuesdays and Thursdays. It looks a little hectic in her mind but on paper it’s a little easier to understand so the first thing she did was draw up a timetable and stick it to the wall next to her calendar, and writes all of her classes in her diary.

Charlie texts her most days, checking on her.

While Marie appreciates the sentiment, Charlie is three hundred miles away.

Her back starts to hurt, right between her shoulder blades; her mind is too heavy to hold up and the tension in her chest from the permanently impending panic attacks makes her muscles ache.

Marie starts to over think everything; memories of how Kacey looks at her, of how she feels when they hang out, of comments Meghan made on her birthday, and wonderings about what _might_ have been talked about between friends, of how she has an image to uphold of the good daughter, the girl next door, Canada Clutch.

Liking Kacey doesn’t fit in anywhere.

So why can’t she stop thinking about waking up on her first morning back in Boston, in Kacey’s apartment and her arms and not wanting to move at all?

“She wasn’t a part of the plan,” she had told Charlie who very quickly reminded her that sometimes things do go according to that plan and that sometimes the original plan is complete rubbish anyway so maybe it’s a good thing because she could hear Marie’s exhaustion over the phone.

Marie could even notice the difference on the ice; she was playing a little sharper with the puck, eyes tighter, almost always in a hypersensitive zone, ready to slam the first person (friend or foe) into the boards if they got in her way.

She’s playing the same way she’s going through her daily routines; tired and frustrated and a bit snappy.

Marie is almost glad when she gets dumped _hard_ in an in-house competition against the guy’s team on a Saturday morning in late August, hard enough to send her sprawling and reeling and it takes her a moment to remember how to breathe and she hears the whistle and then the coaches yelling; she’d been on the puck all practice and the only downside of the guys team is his temper when he’s frustrated.

She doesn’t cry, but she’s close to breaking and how this didn’t make her shatter, she has no idea.

He ends up in the sin bin and she’s slow to get up to be assessed off the ice, and when she can’t quite move her shoulder under the weight of her pads, she almost panics and has to grit her teeth.


	51. Chapter 51

It takes a three hour wait in the Boston Memorial emergency department for a doctor to confirm that she has a fractured shoulder.

There’ll be a press release about an injury on Monday because her absence will be noticed, and her coach will email her a copy of her x-ray report so she can inform Canada Hockey, and she’s sent home in a sling.

She’s hit with a claustrophobic sensation; her room is too small and it’s suffocating, and she’s suddenly very aware of just how close everything is and how it’s too tight and apparently her furniture has never heard of personal space.

The itch in her wrist goes ignored and Marie bites her nails until they bleed.

This must be what shattering feels like.

Rest is what she should do. Instead, she walks out of her dorm without a second glance and heads out.

It’s better than a panic attack, she decides.        


	52. Chapter 52

The late afternoon fall sun is warm on her face as she shuffles around into town in a Boston University sweater, arm held up uncomfortably as pain killers start to wear off.

It’s a few degrees colder than she was expecting, and barely remembered to grab her phone and keys on the way out (she’s wearing shorts and her sneakers, almost looking like someone who should be at the gym rather than walking Market Street as the sun goes down).

But the nip at her skin is refreshing.

Or at least it wakes her up, brings her senses crashing back to reality to calm her down just enough as she wanders aimlessly, mindlessly past people doing their afternoon shopping or tourists visiting the city, students walking home from Harvard or checking out the area.

It isn’t until she recognises a Thai place across the intersection that Marie realises where she had walked to, and her heart drops in her stomach because it’s just cementing what she already knew but didn’t want to admit.

Marie is only down the block from Kacey’s; she can see the foyer door from where she was standing and for twenty minutes she doesn’t move, leaning against the street light post as traffic trickles past trying to figure out what to do.

It takes her twenty minutes and a text to Charlie to decide which direction to go in.

So Marie starts walking again, aiming for safety and with her heart beating erratically in her chest, she hopes that she isn’t going to miss the mark.


	53. Chapter 53

That familiar feeling of hypersensitivity comes back as she climbs the stairs.

It’s a nervousness, jumpy, and scatterbrained almost. There’s a pain in the bottom of her chest and in her wrist when she knocks.

“Hey stranger,” Kacey says, smiling when she opens the door but it drops when she notices the blue sling, standing out against her BU Hockey hoodie. “What happened?”

And it clicks, Marie feels like a stranger in her own skin and she smiles back an uneasy gulp. “Got floored. Broken shoulder.”

“Are you okay? Aren’t you cold?”

Her own voice sounds a little foreign, even though she’s not usually a talker, and Kacey’s rationality seems to be making more sense than her own thoughts.

“A little,” she mutters, and a shiver tears through her shoulder again. “Been at the hospital all afternoon, haven’t had a chance to shower.”

The silence gives her a second to actually hear how tired she sounds, slow and mumbling around words, and how prepared she is to sleep for four days and not give two shits about responsibilities and duty.

A minute of standing quietly in Kacey’s living room turns into her being steered down the hallway towards the bathroom; it takes longer than she would have liked (twice she has to bite her lip to stop herself from yelping in pain because she already forgot that her shoulder is broken) and Kacey leans her head back into the sink to wash her hair for her.

Later it strikes her that she should have felt awkward being dressed in only a towel that kept riding up her thighs when she tilted back into the sink. She thinks she should feel embarrassed about needing some help to execute a simple daily task such as dressing herself.

But Marie’s too tired to care.

“Not in a talking mood?” Kacey asks, as if she understands all of Marie’s mannerisms and moods.

Marie just plays with the drawstring of Kacey’s pants and shakes her head, frowning and tensing her jaw. It’s all she can do to avoid crying. “Rough day.”

There’s an arm around her good shoulder, rubbing her back, “Okay. Help me with dinner. I’m trying a new chicken recipe so I can do all the talking.”

And they leave it at that as she’s set up at the stove to stir as Kacey throws in her ingredients.


	54. Chapter 54

Marie doesn’t want to move; she’s stiff and sore but warm, anxious but safe.

After dinner, Kacey had set her up in the corner of the couch with some Tylenol, a throw rug over her and a cushion under her head. It had been done in silence and Marie is thankful that she isn’t pushing, but she’s also terrified for the moment that she gets asked if she’s okay.

There’s an old episode of Friends on but neither of them are really paying attention; an occasional laugh at the jokes breaks the silence of the apartment.

“So what’s going on?” It’s so quiet that Marie’s almost doesn’t hear it over Joey and Chandler fighting about food. “I saw your nails and they look like they’ve gone through a wood-chipper. You’ve been quiet all night. You’ve barely smiled since you got back to Boston, what’s going on, Marie?”

It’s not accusatory, and maybe that is what makes her crack, the softness in Kacey’s voice, the comfort it gives her, the sound of someone genuinely worried, and the tightening of her jaw only lasts for so long.

“Shoulder,” she grits out in a whisper.

“I know it’s not _just_ your shoulder.”

The jumpiness in her chest is what gives it away first, that she’s crying, and the heaving of her sore shoulders as she tries to keep it in.

But when Marie’s chin trembles and the tears start down her face, hot and despised.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay,” Kacey mutters. She’s wiry but strong, and Marie is pulled across the couch, blanket and all, gently into Kacey’s lap.

“Marie, you have to tell me what’s wrong.” An arm is around her back, holding her close tilted into Kacey’s side and the other is resettling her legs, brushing her hair out of her face, rubbing her arm. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t,” Marie starts, huffing around her words, “feel like myself and, I don’t—don’t know what—what to do.”

Marie can feel her sigh beneath her and she’s hugged a little tighter to Kacey. “Just cry. Let it all out.”

Her cries turn to sobs and her body is wracked with heaves from crying.

“I’ve got you.”


	55. Chapter 55

It takes half an hour for Marie to calm down, for her body to stop shaking as much, and for the embarrassment to kick in.

“I’m sorry,” Marie mutters. “I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Don’t you dare apologise. Not for this, not ever,” Kacey says, wiping at a stay tear. There’s a kiss to her forehead and another squeeze.

It makes Marie want to start crying again, merely because it feels like she has no control over her emotions. She nods.

“What’s going on?”

Marie’s chin shakes again. “I don’t—I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Kacey says, as if it’s the only answer in the world. Marie feels like there needs to be more of an explanation, one she doesn’t quite have. “So what’s changed?”

“I don’t know,” Marie shrugs; it’s hard to explain when you don’t know what you’re explaining. Her accent gets worse around her tears, so Marie speaks fewer words and more quietly. “It’s like there’s this _poids_ on my chest and I can’t shake it. It just won’t go away and I can’t figure out why.”

Marie sinks into Kacey, wiping away the tears furiously.

“Are you stressed?”

A nod.

“School?”

A shake.

“Hockey?”

Another shake.

“People?”

“A little.”

“Have I done anything?"

Marie visibly freezes and she knows it, but she shakes her head.

“Expectations?”

There’s a pause. “A little.”

“Can you explain a little more?” Kacey sounds hopeful. Marie doesn’t want to disappoint.

“It feels like my head,” she takes a deep breath, “is saying one thing, but my heart says another.”

“What does your head say?”

Marie frowns. “That I have to be the perfect daughter, the perfect hockey player, the perfect student, that I just need to do what I’m told. That doing anything other than that is bad. It’s going against what my heart wants.”

“What does your heart want?”

The tears start again and Marie is helpless to stop it. “To be me. But I can’t.”

“But is that you saying that, or the expectations?”

Marie sinks again, and the stupid anxious embarrassment settles in again.

“Come here,” Kacey pulls her in tighter again, her voice dropping to a whisper more soothing than argumentative. “You know that it is more than okay to want something for yourself. It’s okay to be a bit selfish. You need to take care of yourself. You’ll ruin yourself trying to please everybody.”

“I’m not sure that I can be selfish, I’m not wired that way.”

“You can be here. This is a safe place for you.”

The words almost make Marie’s breath hitch a little further in her throat, part stuck behind another sob, part behind a laugh aimed at the irony. The one place Kacey is offering her solace, a place to seek out what she wants without fear or anxiety (whatever that may be—Marie knows but Kacey doesn’t that it’s her she wants) is around the one person she can’t have, the one she shouldn’t want.

“I can’t.”

“Why not? What is it that is so bad that you can’t have?”

Marie’s jaw trembles again. “It’s not a ‘what’, it’s a ‘who’,” she says so quietly that Kacey has to lean closer. Marie lifts her head to meet Kacey’s eyes and realises just how close they are, “and it’s kind of tearing me apart.”

It goes quiet and to her credit Kacey doesn’t move; Marie hopes that she’s made her point clear enough. She’s pretty sure that she has because Kacey’s kind of smiling and trying not to make it obvious.

For a second, she thinks Kacey’s going to kiss her again.

“Kace,” she starts, ready to explain it. Her heart is in her throat.

“I think you need some sleep, actually sleep,” Kacey interrupts. “Especially after the day you’ve had.”

And Marie’s heart drops as she nods and moves to stand slowly, painfully as her muscles stretch, “Maybe I should go.”

But Kacey catches her wrist gently. “Stay,” she says and Marie can’t quite read her eyes but she knows Kacey isn’t asking her stay out of sympathy. “Please.”

Marie nods and stretches again and her heart is beating a storm in her chest as Kacey leads her down the hall.

Marie has slept over enough, they’ve been spending so much time with each other long enough for Marie to have a toothbrush in the bathroom, for a set of Kacey’s sweats to be put aside for her to sleep in, for Kacey to buy the oats that Marie favours for breakfast in case she stays over on a school night.

It feels foreign and dull when she climbs into Kacey’s bed; the gloomy and dark sensation that comes after crying settles in and Marie is exhausted but still she can’t sleep, even after the pain killers. Kacey gets the left side of the bed and asks if Marie needs an alarm for the morning, and Marie, who is already buried beneath the comforter, shakes her head against Kacey’s second pillow.

“I don’t regret it,” Kacey whispers, minutes after she’s turned the lamp off and faced Marie, settling herself close.

It’s almost feels like she’s drowning, being so close to Kacey, and she can’t even figure out what it is that she’s drawn too.

“Hmm?”

She doesn’t even have the energy for words.

“Kissing you. When it happened, it was an accident, but I don’t regret it.” Her heart stops, or at least that’s what it feels like. “I’m not going anywhere, Marie.”

In the dark, fingers link with hers over her pillow, and Marie shuffles, her free hand finding Kacey’s shoulder, the nape of her neck, the edge of her jaw. The air becomes loaded with what could happen, what will happen.

It takes a long moment for Marie’s thumb to trace the lines of Kacey’s face, so she can work out _where_ she is, and in the stillness of Kacey’s bedroom, she leans forward slowly.

Their noses bump first and Kacey meets her halfway.


	56. Chapter 56

The first thing Marie hears when she shuffles out of Kacey’s bedroom the next morning is a chuckle.

She’s still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes when she sees a set of brown eyes smiling at her from the kitchen.

“What so funny?” she mumbles.

Marie is still drowsy, exhausted from the rollercoaster of emotions from the day before and the constant stream of drugs; she trips over her own feet before she fumbles into one of the breakfast bar seats.

“You. Your hair is sticking up in every direction and you look like you’re still asleep,” Kacey smiles, handing over a mug of coffee. “It’s kind of cute.”

Marie blushes and her heart jumps into her throat again. It must be obvious.

“How’s your shoulder feeling?”

“It aches.”

“What about the rest of you?”

A plate of dry toast is set in front of her, looking like more than she ate for dinner the night before, and a couple more tablets to help with the pain.

Marie frowns; her mind is like mush, and it’s as if all she can hear is white noise, and the sensation of disconnectedness sets in.

“Please don’t freak out,” Kacey asks. She rounds the end of the kitchen bench to stand in front of Marie, who is once again very aware of personal space. “I told you last night and I meant it; I’m not going anywhere. It’s a two way thing.”

Marie nods. “I feel like there is a ‘but’ coming.”

“But I want you to be okay, I don’t want this to be something that causes you stress, any more than it already has. I don’t want this to be something you don’t want.”

“I want it, I just-,” Marie starts. She feels vulnerable, admitting it to Kacey. “I want you. I just didn’t expect it to be something that I thought I would want. That’s why I freaked out and panicked.”

“Because it broke that mould made for you?”

Marie nods again, and realises that their fingers have been tangled in her lap for—she can’t remember when it happened and it clicks that it’s not Kacey that scares her.

It’s the world’s perception of it, the reaction. Even in a modern society.

Kacey is almost like safety, protection, acceptance regardless of whoever wins gold.

“Can you stay still for a second?” she asks. “I want to try something.”

Kacey takes half a step back to give her room as she stands up. Marie’s an inch shorter and Kacey stands her ground, unmoving as requested, a mere half a foot between them. It’s confronting and open and raw like this because she’s awake, making a conscious decision that isn’t informed by a haze of sleep or a wave of anxiety and fear.

Marie tips forward, one hand on Kacey’s neck and the other resting against her own ribs, the heavy beating of her heart drumming against her fingers. Her eyes slip shut easily as she kisses Kacey. She tastes like coffee with half a sugar and only a dash of milk, Marie decides, and there’s a hand on Marie’s waist holding her there as Kacey melts into her.

It’s familiar and curious at the same time, easy to give into and natural; the early morning Sunday traffic disappears as does the sound of the kettle, and Marie can feel the inhale against her cheek.

They only have to stop because Marie’s heart in her throat is making it harder to breathe and they’re both smiling way too much.

“This goes at your speed, Marie, if this is what you want,” Kacey whispers. “There’s no rush.”

Marie’s forehead finds Kacey’s and it all seems way too easy, natural, like nothing else can make a difference other than the two of them. She realises when she sinks into a hug that this has to be hard for Kacey too, so Marie squeezes her arm a little tighter around Kacey’s ribs, her nose settling into her neck simply.

And for a while, they just stand there.


	57. Chapter 57

Monday passes in complete radio silence, and a slew of classes, and only a minor headache.

No anxiety attacks, and quite a lot of sleeping. Her professors have all sent her class notes, having been informed of an injury and excused her for the day with well wishes.

Tuesday passes in a similar fashion; Marie wonders if she should text Kacey, and then decides not yet, a few days to herself, to sort her head may not be a bad thing.

And Wednesday and Thursday go by with an emphasis on her psych class readings, and she actually forgets to be anxiety riddled.

And by Friday Marie is glad that she’s finally been cleared to skate, even if it is only non-contact.

Because it means that she has something to take her mind off the fact that Kacey hasn’t said a word to her since she was dropped off at her dorm with a smile on Sunday afternoon. Sure she can’t even hold a stick or tie her own skates without some degree of pain, but it’s comforting to be able to be back on the ice.

They’ve kissed a total of three times and Marie supposes talking to Charlie would be a good idea, but she’s pretty sure talking to Kacey would be better. Besides, would Kacey be bothered if she talked to Charlie about the two of them?

“I think I’m gay,” she mutters a week after she’s kissed Kacey. It’s still a little fresh and _odd_ to say it out loud, and to another person.

Charlie laughs, “I figured.”

“You don’t care?”

“Marie, I’m gay!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Do you see my point?” And they spend five minutes laughing at each other. “So what brought on this sudden realisation? Or should I ask who?”

Marie knows that her silence is a dead giveaway but she doesn’t care with Charlie; it’s easy and she gets it.

“Is it Bellamy?”

Marie chokes and blushes at her cement brick wall opposite her bed, “is it that obvious?”

“A little,” Charlie admits and for a fleeting second Marie has the sensation of panicking because who else might have seen, but then Charlie turns into a nineteen year old girl and demands details.

And Marie can’t help but explain, relishing in the normalcy of it all, to be able to _gush_ about someone that she likes and someone that likes her back. It’s halfway through their conversation going serious again as she tries to help Charlie understand what was going through her head in her stress-induced restlessness, that there is a knock on her door.

“Hang on a sec, someone is at my door.”

She doesn’t know who she was expecting, but it wasn’t Kacey, who is standing there with her hands shoved in the pockets of her jeans.

“Charlie, I’ll call you back,” Marie says, and abruptly hangs up without another word. “Hi.”

“Hi there,” Kacey smiles. She looks tired and Marie wonders if it’s over her or if she’s just had a bad week. “I have a question.”

“You came all the way down here to ask me something?” Kacey nods. “Okay.”

“If I ask you out on a date tomorrow, will you say yes?”

Marie freezes, and she can see Kacey freeze as well, prepared to backtrack if needed. Her brain acts before she can comprehend what’s going on, but the smile is worth it, Marie decides.

“Yes.”

“Really?” Marie nods and smiles, blushing and she wishes she had another reason to explain it other than her nervousness around Kacey. “You’re cute when you blush,” Kacey says, and Marie blushes a darker shade again, “I’ll pick you up at two?”

“Okay,” she managed weakly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She’s being grinned at as she walks away and Marie can’t help walk back into her room giddy.

Her mood has done a complete one-eighty and in the back of her mind there is some fear that it’s all going to come crashing down, that the fear and worry is going to come back and that the contentedness won’t last, but the ease Marie feels around Kacey makes it disappear.

One thing at a time.

“Okay spill!” is the first thing Charlie says when she finally calls her back.


	58. Chapter 58

Marie is just about stacking herself when she wakes up on Sunday morning.

It feels like pre-game jitters, like the first time she shuffled her way into a senior camp.

She forces her way through an easy workout to keep her moving, stumbling past the rare early Sunday morning risers to ease the nerves.

She has a date.

With Kacey Bellamy.

She almost slips on the bike when it sinks in.

And then she feels ridiculously stupid about it because people go on dates all the time and it’s not a big deal. Right? It’s normal to feel a little bit vulnerable showing a different side, opening up different possibilities, Marie tries to justify to herself. But at the same time, Kacey has already seen the emotional breakdown.

And she still asked Marie out on a date.

Marie watches the clock for the last hour, and lathers that patch of skin beneath her left wrist with moisturiser.

And then she’s halfway through changing for the third time when a knock echoes through her room, and she doesn’t have any more time to be nervous.

It’s a quiet walk down to where Kacey has parked, a few minutes of silence after the shy grins and mumbled hellos.

Marie has retreated into herself a little, scared of what the afternoon may bring, of what barriers might get broken down, fearful of what might happen and what Kacey might be expecting, and honestly slightly terrified of the excited look on Kacey’s face.

“You’re very quiet,” Kacey all but whispers. “Reminds me of when we first started hanging out.”

“Nervous is all,” Marie mutters.

“It’s just me.”

“I know,” she says, trying to appear confident despite her heart hammering away in her chest. “I just don’t really know what to think, we didn’t talk for a week and then you show up and ask me out. After last week, I don’t know, I didn’t think there would be complete silence.”

“Yeah, that’s on me,” Kacey says, cringing. “I have a good excuse for Wednesday. It was spent in Meghan’s dark room, napping and attempting to eat donuts for her birthday.”

“And the other five days?” Marie asks. The ground holds Marie’s gaze, only because it’s easier to concentrate and Kacey is distracting.

“I’m nervous too,” Kacey admits, and she leans against her car. “I like you and I didn’t want to push. I saw how torn up you were, I didn’t want to push, I didn’t want to add to the pressure you were feeling. I wanted you to make the choice on your own. I didn’t want to put you in a position where you had to make a split second decision. And then Meghan put her foot up my arse, I literally have a bruise, to ask you out.”

Marie nods. She gets it, kind of. Space is cool sometimes, and maybe it was a good thing; she had a week to recover from getting squashed at practice, get back into studying, feel a little more normal -after the emotional breakdown the week before.

“You really have a bruise?”

Kacey nods and Marie smiles. “She kicks hard. I guess I deserve that.”

Marie chuckles. “So where are you taking me?”

“You still want to go out with me?”

“I guess,” she jokes.

Marie sees Kacey tense her jaw to stop her smile taking over her face.

Kacey opens the passenger door of her car and plucks a cap from the front seat. “Ever been to a football game?”


	59. Chapter 59

It’s every bit obnoxious pride that Marie imagined when they get to the stadium, and she adjusts the cap on her head nervously; her date had to re-tie her hair for the cap and she ended up with goosebumps when Kacey brushed the back of her neck.

Kacey has a Patriots sweater on and promised to explain all the rules as the game goes on.

“First rule of being a Pats fan: we do not like the Colts.” Marie laughs and then quickly backtracks playfully when she sees the look on Kacey’s face.

Marie has to lean a closer to Kacey to hear what she’s saying about the kicker, and by the end of the first quarter, she’s tucked under her arm trying to understand what a down was and who the line-backers were.

“Are you having fun?”

She has to speak up, louder than is comfortable. Half-time is loud and silent and everything in between as people run for the bathrooms or more food or more beer.

“It’s a nice change watching than playing.” Marie shifts in her seat and she can feel Kacey’s hand against her ribs, resting comfortably under the back of the sling. “My company is okay too.”

“Smart-arse.” Kacey chuckles. “I thought maybe something non-hockey related would be good. A crowd like this, no one knows us. Just two people on a date.”

For a second Marie wants to kiss her; even with a relative level of anonymity kissing Kacey at all let alone in public is still a little scary so she settles for one on Kacey’s cheek. Even though they’ve basically spent an hour cuddling. It’s normal and easy and they spend the latter half of the game joining in on the chants and Marie’s hand feels hot when it falls to Kacey’s knee.

They both blush but she doesn’t move her hand for the last quarter.


	60. Chapter 60

“Keep it,” Kacey says, when she goes to hand the cap back. “It looks better on you.”

Marie smiles and lets Kacey settle it backwards on her head, “thank you.”

“I’ll be a good date and walk you back to your room.”

“I had a good time, maybe we can do it again?” Marie asks.

It takes more than half way back for her to pluck up the courage to reach out and take Kacey’s swinging hand. She has to take a deep breath to remind herself that the world won’t end just because she held another girls hand. “We can definitely do it again.”

Her phone has been blowing up in her pocket for the past hour and Kacey comments on her being popular as she examines their hands linked together.

“It’s Charlie, she wants gossip,” she mutters. Kacey laughs. “You don’t mind that I talk to her about this—us?”

Kacey shakes her head and smiles softly, “of course not. It’s good you’ve got someone to talk to. As soon as Meghan feels well enough to look at her phone, mine will be doing the exact same thing.”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” Marie nods silently, her bottom lip stuck between her teeth as if she’s contemplating something. “Can I settle for a hug?” Kacey asks quietly.

There are a few students milling around, none the wiser to the fact that Marie had been on a date; they all just live in the same building.

Marie holds on a little longer than necessary and Kacey doesn’t let go until she’s ready.

“She’s actually calling. I’m sorry,” Marie says.

Kacey laughs, and it makes Marie’s cringe turn into a grin. “If you’re not careful she’s going to send out a search party. Go. Gossip.”

“Thank you. Goodnight Kacey.”

“Goodnight Pockets.”

It isn’t until Kacey has waved and walked out that Marie lets herself into her room and finally answers her phone.

“What?!”


	61. Chapter 61

There’s a month until camp.

Nine games pass and she gets to watch from the sidelines, or on her laptop.

There’s four more dates until then; Marie cooked dinner at Kacey’s one night with some help; they went mini-golfing instead of Marie studying in celebration of being able to use her shoulder again; one morning was spent with a coffee each at the farmers market; they spent a night on the couch watching crappy romantic comedies and letting hands tangle and wander.

They’ve kissed only a handful more times, usually in the privacy of Kacey’s apartment or someone’s car. Marie has been keeping track, wondering if she’s allowed to want more or if Kacey’s kisses are just that addictive.

So she tests it out one night when she goes over to watch a movie, and she’s that distracted by images in her head that she stops paying attention after a few minutes.

It takes an hour for Marie’s self-control to finally break; she turns from where she is tucked into Kacey’s side, settles her hand across her neck and pulls her in.

“Well then,” Kacey mumbles a few minutes later, eye’s still shut. “You’re really good at that.”

Marie isn’t sure that her brain is working because she isn’t sure that it’s her who speaks. “I feel like we should do that again.”

“Okay,” and then she’s pulled forwards and ends up on top.


	62. Chapter 62

It’s surprisingly easy, Marie thinks, as she’s distracted from another psychology reading she’s supposed to be analysing with her study group in the library.

Kacey is so _easy_ to be around, to fall into step with; hell, she feels like a giddy teenage girl with the way she’s doted on sometimes.

“Marie!”

Her head snaps up from her book, the writing having blurred as she daydreamed of the afternoon that they walked around a market north of the city. Kacey had given her a sunflower, plucked from a stall when she was looking across the aisle in the opposite direction.

Marie blushes and mutters something about psychosocial development being the appropriate theory of application for their assignment, hoping that she didn’t make too much of a fool of herself.


	63. Chapter 63

The sucky thing about going to camp is knowing that in a weeks time, Marie will pull on a red and white uniform and face off against Kacey.

She’s also missing Thanksgiving with her family and because of school, she won’t see them until Christmas.

Everything thing else is awesome; Charlie gives some of the best hugs and Caro takes her under her wing again and she helps pull pranks (no one ever suspects her because she looks so innocent most of the time) and then she gets pantsed in a game of hallway soccer and goes red for half an hour.

She gets to wake up to messages and one morning when she’s convinced that Charlie has gone down to breakfast, Marie takes a chance and spends a few minutes getting to hear Kacey’s voice.

It was a given that putting on the uniform meant a different kind of pride, the outcome of the game was for their countries, and the US would be gunning for revenge. They knew where they stood with each other, and where that was compared to hockey.

But at the end of the tournament, Kacey would still be waiting for her back in Boston.


	64. Chapter 64

Sweden is cold.

Colder than Boston, and it makes Marie a little nervous.

There is a frown on her face most of the time and her arms are crossed; Charlie says she looks permanently pissed but she’s just trying to keep herself in check. Camp was one thing, to message Kacey and call her. This is completely different. The pressure is on here, especially coming back from an injury.

Finland comes and goes in flurry of goals, two for Marie, and as soon as the high wears off Marie is back to her new standard position.

They play Kacey next and it feels _weird_ because she almost gets plastered going for the puck (she swears that when Kacey went for the slashing call it was deliberately against her thigh to avoid a shoulder) and she thinks she sees a bit of guilt when her—Kacey is escorted to the penalty box. She scores on her in the third period.

Sweden puts up a fight and Marie guesses it’s because they’re on home soil, but it’s still easier than the last one.

The gold medal game sucks.

And not just because they lose in overtime.

It sucks because Marie is conflicted; sad because of a loss but proud of Kacey for winning. Kacey gives her a smile just for her, and shakes her hand a little more gently than any of her teammates.

She wants to go home.


	65. Chapter 65

Marie is grateful she gets to share with Charlie.

It means that she doesn’t question it when Kacey shows up the morning they’re supposed to leave.

“You hurt her, and you’re dead. End of story.”

Marie smiles because she loves Charlie and Kacey actually looks a little terrified for a moment.

“Got it,” Kacey agrees and they’re left alone while Charlie conveniently wants breakfast. “Can I hug you?”

“You don’t have to ask,” Marie admits and she sinks into a tight hug.

“I’m proud of you,” is whispered into her ear.

“But we lost.”

“It’s not about winning or losing, it’s how you play the game. And you play with your whole heart,” Kacey mumbles. “It’s one of those things that I love about you.”

When she says things like this, it makes Marie want to kiss her.

“Also, I’m really sorry for slashing you against the boards the other day.”

Marie chuckles and tightens her grip. “You’re forgiven.”


	66. Chapter 66

She cops a little bit of crap when she finally gets back to Boston from her teammates.

“Look who finally remembered that they play college hockey,” one of her goalies boasts when she walks into training on a Thursday, looking for one of the physio students to tape her shoulder _just in case_ now that she’s cleared for full contact training.

Just for that, Marie puts three past her in a practice match.


	67. Chapter 67

Things start to go back to normal.

Or at least as normal as things could get for a college athlete.

Every Sunday she calls her parents, and has at least an hour long conversation with her mother who needs to know every detail of her week, right down the number of clean socks Marie has in her drawers.

She goes to training and studies, and can’t stop the frustration seeping in at only being able to participate in practices.

Most of her free time is spent at Kacey’s.

And the feeling of missing home begins to settle in as the American Thanksgiving weekend rolls around.

“Come home with me,” Kacey asks one night as she cooks and Marie studies at the kitchen counter.

“Huh?”

“Thanksgiving.”

Marie pales. “As in meet the parents?”

They still haven’t put a name to what they’re doing; they’ve been on dates and they’ve progressed to making out (hands under the shirt but definitely over the bra).

“No. We can go with the whole ‘we’re just friends line’. No pressure at all,” Kacey laughs, “But you didn’t get to spend it with your family, so you can spend it with mine. And I don’t want you to spend the weekend alone studying when the country that you’re currently living in is celebrating a national holiday.”

Kacey must sense her hesitation. “You don’t have to, you can say no. I just hate the idea of you being left alone all weekend.”

“Can I think about it?” Marie gets up for a break, and to taste test whatever it is that Kacey is cooking for dinner.

She nods, “of course,” and kisses back when Marie slides into her space. “Hungry?”


	68. Chapter 68

Marie ends up saying yes to Kacey; the idea of home cooked feast was too good to pass up.

But she frets for the whole two hour drive over her jeans and sweater, and Kacey spends twenty minutes wondering about whether or not to pull over in case Marie is going to have a panic attack.

“Are you sure?” she asks for the seventh time.

“Marie, it is absolutely fine. You look beautiful. I promise.”

Their fingers are tangled together and over the centre console, Kacey presses a kiss to the back of her hand.


	69. Chapter 69

Kacey’s parents are nothing but welcoming.

Marie wonders what she was worried about, but still turns into her quiet self. She only answers when she’s asked questions, offers to help with dinner, laughs when Kacey goes blatantly red in the face because her baby pictures have made an appearance.

Within half an hour, Marie vows that she’s going to sneak Jake into the back of Kacey’s car so she can play with him back in Boston; Jake doesn’t leave her side because of all of the attention he’s getting.

Marie doesn’t miss the knowing grin and waggling eyebrows from Corey, and the tinge of red in Kacey’s cheeks when she shakes her head and stares at her plate; she doesn’t miss the comment or two from Rob and the yelp a few minutes later when he’s kicked under the table.

Marie knows exactly what it looks like, Kacey bringing a girl home, even if they’re ‘just friends’.

She falls asleep in Kacey’s bed because her siblings are home for the weekend too, and when she wakes up in the morning in Kacey’s arms, that’s when it hits her.

“Happy Thanksgiving,” is mumbled behind her from a sleep-riddled Kacey.

This is where she is supposed to be.

So she rolls over slowly and presses a sleepy kiss to Kacey’s lips.


	70. Chapter 70

“So I’ve been thinking,” she starts quietly.

Kacey’s mum had banished the two of them from the kitchen and recruited her brothers into cleaning; they had helped with the cooking and Marie had fit right in.

“About what?” Kacey asks. Her eyes are a little glassy after a glass or two of red, and Marie can’t help but find it amusing.

They’re sitting on the front porch swing under coats and a blanket to ward off the evening chill, fingers linked loosely beneath the layers.

“What we’re doing.” Marie can see Kacey ponder her words, “and don’t say we’re sitting on a swing.”

Kacey grins. “What were you thinking?”

“That you’re sassy when you’re tipsy,” Marie mumbles. “And that maybe we should start calling this what it is.”

“And what’s that?”

“A relationship.”

“Is that what you want to call it?”

“Yes,” she admits, biting her lip. “I like being able to wake up next to you. And kiss you whenever I want, and hold your hand. Study while you make dinner. See you in my B-U hoodie because yours is in the wash and go to each other’s games. I like you. And I want you. I want this.” She squeezes her hand underneath the blanket, and refuses to drop her gaze. “I know I’m still a little awkward in public but I’m working on—“

She’s cut off mid-sentence with a kiss.

“A relationship huh?” Kacey mutters. Marie’s eyes are still closed but she nods anyway. “That, I can do.”


End file.
